Red Threads blurb — opinions please!

26 Apr

I have spent the last… I don’t know how long working on my blurb. I can’t believe I thought editing was hard — it’s nothing compared to blurb-writing.

All you have to do is use 100-150 words to try and summarise what happens in your novel, without giving anything away but still drawing the potential reader in to want to read it. Easy-peasy, eh?

I’ve studied more examples than I cared to count, and I’ve tried to use a similar format with my own. I could spend forever and a day tweaking it: deleting this word, adding it back in, moving this sentence here… You get the picture. The actual book will be ready before the blurb, at this rate.

So… I thought some opinions from other people might be helpful. *Smiles hopefully*

Take a look and see what you think.

Twenty-six year old Lily Robinson has her dream job, a great boyfriend, and is happy with her life — until the day she starts seeing red threads growing out of the chests of those around her.

That same day Lily meets a stranger on a train, who seems to know her and understand what she is seeing. Lily doesn’t believe him when he says she has a special ability, and it’s only when he saves her life that she accepts something very strange is happening to her.

Lily’s life is rapidly turned upside-down when she gets thrown into the world of fate and meets the beings who influence it.

Can she learn to control her ability to help herself and those around her who need it most?

Will she actually want to when she finds out what she has to do?

That’s the main blurb. When doing my research, I noticed that some blurbs had an extra sentence at the very end, a kind of summary of the book as a whole. So I’ve written this too:

The first novel in the Fateliner series, Red Threads is a contemporary fantasy that looks at how fate can change lives and relationships in an instant.

Do you think that extra sentence adds anything, or is just unnecessary waffle?

As for the blurb itself, if you saw it on an Amazon page, would it make you want to read more (genre preferences aside)?

Does it give too much away, or not enough?

Does it sound like I’m trying too hard?!

Or do you think I’ve gone in completely the wrong direction with what I’ve written?

All honest opinions are welcome, so whatever you’re thinking, let me have it! Thanks guys :-)

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8 Responses to “Red Threads blurb — opinions please!”

  1. Christina James April 26, 2013 at 11:45 am #

    I think that this works well, including the final sentence. My only recommended change, purely for the better placing of the relative pronoun, would be:
    That same day, on a train, Lily meets a stranger who seems to know her and understand what she is seeing.
    Could you dispense with the train, or is that important?

    • Stacey Mitchell April 26, 2013 at 12:32 pm #

      That’s a very good point — the train isn’t actually that important, it’s just where she happened to be. I’ll get rid of it completely, I think. Thanks Christina!

  2. Christina James April 26, 2013 at 11:47 am #

    Sorry, I meant to add hyphens to ‘twenty-six-year-old’, because I’m pedantic… :(

    • Stacey Mitchell April 26, 2013 at 12:33 pm #

      I’m ashamed of myself for missing that! Thanks again :-D

  3. Alex J. Cavanaugh April 26, 2013 at 4:06 pm #

    I don’t know about the line afterwards. My books have a tagline at the beginning though.
    The synopsis starts off really strong. Might need to be a little more specific in parts though. You should run it by Matthew at the QQQC – he critiques queries, which includes blurbs, and could probably offer some great tips.

    • Stacey Mitchell April 30, 2013 at 10:16 am #

      Thanks for the help Alex. I’ll definitely take a look at Matthew’s site :-)

  4. Jaimie April 26, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    I think it’s a great blurb, it really makes me want to read the book! And you should definitely keep the last line in!

    • Stacey Mitchell April 30, 2013 at 10:17 am #

      Thanks for your help Jaimie–it’s much appreciated! :-)

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